These Hateful Words are NOT just Pet Peeves.

2011 is all about self-love. I want everyone to love themselves. I have one thing that I need to share. It just happened a few hours ago, so it is still fresh in my mind. I will not support any use of the N-word (or the K word, for that matter) in 2011.

A few hours ago, my colorful apartment, had a few people over having a great time. We had only met each other for a few minutes and felt really comfortable with each other. Somehow, my Black Biracial friend,  mentioned that I do not like anyone to use the N word. I do not know exactly what happened afterwards, but I know I heard a white woman saying the N word in my house. It was if a wine glass broke. My safe space was violated and I expressed that I was not okay with that language.

As my guests, left there was not that much closure on the issue…should there be? I told my guests that they could stay, but really after the glass breaks you either pick up the glass or exit stage left. I wanted to pick up the pieces. But, I was still angry. As I came back into my place, my friend was at the table and it was very clear, she had never seen me this upset and I did not think I was upset yet.

While it was easy for me to verbalize to a White woman using the N word.  I realized well, why have you not asked her to stop using that word. More importantly, this is your space, so your rules. I sat down and knew we were going to have the conversation. I listened, I did a lot of listening and I spoke. I know that my parents are from another country and people try to tell me that I just do not understand the complexity of the word. I am intelligent. I can grasp concepts, thank you very much. I do not want a disseration on how it is okay for people to use this word. It does not make me a Black Snob or an Angry Black woman. I just love myself enough to know that I do not want to surround myself with someone or something that is toxic. If I take precautions about what I put in my body and my environment, why is it diffferent if I do not want to surround myself  with people who say the N word.  I do not know too many toxic chemicals, that suddently flourish into “healthy chemicals” when used over time.

I am at a new place in my life. I will verbalize (well, I do not know if this was ever a real problem for me.) I blame two people for their actions the Black (biracial) and White woman.  I think that one woman physically left my space, the woman who might have had a heavier burden was the one, that was my friend. She really had to sit down and think about the impact of her words.  Using the N word is not a pet peeve of mine.  Words do have power and emotions.

I love myself to be honest with who I am.






~ by travelling womanists on January 2, 2011.

One Response to “These Hateful Words are NOT just Pet Peeves.”

  1. I believe if someone used the “N” word in my home, I would be a bit upset too. However, my mother said “be careful who you LET in your home so that you don’t have to INVITE THEM OUT!! Sometimes we do not know who is in our home and it is impossible to know all the time. However, as soon as we know, we need to clean house and ask or demand that people respect us and our home. I notice that sometimes White people believe they are close enough and comfortable enough to say whatever they want and it is still not okay. I praise you for speaking up and stating your feelings.

    Be well,


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