Are We Over? Should I keep this Friend in My Life?


This weeks guest blogger, is LuvtobeLUVD. She is a Black American woman who has lived throughout Africa for over 15 years. Her recent trip to an exciting city on the East Coast, closed in a bittersweet manner.  All names have been changed in the following story.

Eleven months ago I traveled over 3,000 miles to hang out with friends in Temptation City.  One of my closest friends, Michelle, hosted an event in my honor.  I had no idea what I was getting into.  The weather was horrible and  the event was scheduled to end late. Lots of spirits would be served and an invitation was extended to all the guests to stay the night!

With just a few friends left, I noticed a very handsome man, Chris, sitting at the other end of the table.  As the evening turned to morning, Chris was chatting with many people including Michelle.  I told Michelle, that I wanted to flirt with Chris.  Her reply was an angry, “No!  You can’t because I don’t know which one I want!”  It was her house, so her rules.  Suddenly, I remembered Michelle telling me months ago that Chris was not interested in her and was confused by her possessiveness.  I decided to call it a night and go to bed.

To my surprise, Chris came to where I was sleeping and wanted to know if we could “talk?”  I informed him Michelle was interested in him so he should stay in the front room with her.  Chris informed me that he was not interested in her and wanted to talk to me.  He went to the front room to talk to Michelle.  Chris returned, he told me that he hold her that he was not interested in her.  So, I told him he could come back to talk to me.  However, I must say, I assumed Chris was a 20-something, I still didn’t get that he was interested in doing more than just talking to me, a 40-something.

Now, I  must share since I don’t date overseas, where I live, before my visit to Temptation City 11 months ago, it had been four years since I had sex.  I forgot to mention, that Chris is incredibly sexy and handsome!  “Good Mooga Mooga!” the four years of absent-sex was made up in just a few hours.  He did me proud!

Later that morning, on our way to church,  Michelle asked if I was with Chris, and I said no.  Integrity is very important to me and as we approached church, I apologized for not being honest and confessed that Chris and I were together.  She proceeded to tell me that Chris did tell her that he was not interested in her romantically.

A week after I left Temptation City,  Michelle called me and told me how disappointed she was  because I slept with Chris and that I do not know the meaning of friendship. This was the last time I heard from Michelle. I tried to call and email her to no avail.  Eleven months later, I get a message, saying the next time I am in Temptation City, we should have go out for a drink and catch up.

Since that cold, but very steamy winter night, I made it back to Temptation City  a few  times and I have spent time with Chris.   Unfortunately,  Michelle has been a blur in my world. Now I am left to wonder should I even meet up with a person that thinks that I do not know the meaning of friendship?

As an American living overseas, reunions have become part of my life.  Sometimes reunions have been joyful and what my soul needed and other have been so painful. Where do I go now, as I return to one of my favorite cities, do I reunite with a friend that used to bring me so much joy or do I wait another eleven months to see what happens?

Update: As the final editing of this post was taking place, both women decided to call it quits and go their separate ways. Erzulie  Dantor


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~ by travelling womanists on February 9, 2011.

2 Responses to “Are We Over? Should I keep this Friend in My Life?”

  1. If you value the friendship then you should meet her.

  2. Very interesting… I think it’s hard sometimes to know when it’s the right time to leave a friend. When you’re unsure take a break. let some time lapse and think about if in scheme of things does this person really have my best interests at heart. Once you’ve had time to reflect find the right way and time to share your concerns or joys of friendship with the other.

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