What I Learned at a Bear Party

The same night that Little Dragon is playing in Prospect Park for FREE, a friend was having their birthday party. So, while I wanted to be dancing out at the park, I knew that celebrating their happiness was the only option. I have to let you know that I am a Black, heterosexual woman who is with a male that many gay men say is a bear.

For those of you that know nothing about bears, I think it is an amazing subculture within the gay community for so many reasons which I will highlight in this story. On a humid Friday night, making our way to the party, I tell my boyfriend he might be really warm, maybe he wants to wear another shirt. He tells me, “this is a bear party, big guys do not like the heat, (our friend) will have something figured out”.  As we parked our bikes and introduced ourselves, food and the air conditioner were plenty. Yes, the room was packed with big guys and all seemed to love the air conditioner and fans keeping the space very cool.

Whenever I introduced myself many people were wondering what was I a straight woman doing here. Since, I was one of three women at the party, people were wondering how was I connected to the birthday boy. After going over the story, it was amazing to be in a space where my boyfriend was the object of desire.  I saw many people, checking him out, trying to engage him and my boyfriend, was just trying to get some extra cheese or beer. I am certain that he knew who was chatting a little too long with him and who was just being friendly.


After a night of chatting,  listening to good music and meeting a really cool group I got to take my bear home. It made sense, everyone wants to be desired and spaces and events like this are great. The object of desire that night was hairy, large, and really appreciates the air conditioner, some people could get used to that…I guess I did.


Bear City




~ by travelling womanists on August 20, 2012.

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